


I Can't Let You Go (Not Like This)

by panicmoonwalker



Category: New Girl
Genre: Chaptered, F/M, Post-Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-08 07:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6845455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panicmoonwalker/pseuds/panicmoonwalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Is it crazy for me to think that Nick might ever fall in love with me again?” Tran grins at her, and she can’t quite understand his expression, so she shakes her head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> That finale was so painful so I've decided to extend my pain further by writing this! Is it time for season 6 yet?
> 
> Enjoy!

Jess tries not to cry over Nick. She really does. But when he leaves with Reagan, hand in hand and a stupid grin on his face, leaving her all alone in the loft, that’s when she breaks.

She’s glad Winston went to prank Cece and Schmidt’s honeymoon so there would be no questioning or concerned eyes at the immediate sob that leaves her body once the door closes. It’s not loud enough for Nick to hear, and she’s glad because she couldn’t face him now. Everything she felt about him had just come hurtling back, it was overwhelming to say the least.

Jess didn’t know how long she’d be left alone in the loft, but she was going to utilise every minute of it to have time for herself, figure it all out. That was her plan until Schmidt, Winston and Cece came back. Until she had to go back to acting like Nick was just her friend.

-

Jess ends up watching Dirty Dancing. It wasn’t that she wanted to be upset over Nick, but she was and it was the only thing that would help while she was alone. He was off in New Orleans and _happy_. She was in the loft _crying_ alone, thinking that she had to let him go and be in an ‘adult relationship’.

Her outburst at the wedding had given him the confidence to be comfortable and not insecure in a relationship. And he would _not_ stop texting her about it.

_Thank you so much Jess. You’re the best. Missing you :)_

_I really think things are going well with Reagan. I couldn’t thank you enough._

_Hope you’re doing okay._

There are moments she’s close to calling him and telling him everything, but the texts remind her that she needs to let him be with other people, their relationship was long over. He’s happy with Reagan. That thought sends her phone flying across the couch. She doesn’t text him back.

-

It’s during her sixth watch of the day is when Cece calls. Jess mutes the movie and clears her throat trying to cover the fact that she’s been crying. “Hey Cece, how’s the honeymoon?” She says, sniffing softly to hold herself together.

“It’s amazing over here, Jess! Even with Winston pranking us… We are in _paradise_!” She sounds blissful but the tone of her voice changes at her next words, “How are you?”

“How do you think I am?” Jess chuckles sadly.

“You watching Dirty Dancing?”

“Nooooo……. Yeah…” Jess groans, “I hate that Reagan just… Cece, why did it take me so long to realise I was still in love with Nick?”

It’s the first time she says it out loud, and it’s only then she realises how long she had been supressing her feelings for Nick. It’s a relief to be able to talk about it, but at the same time it _hurts_. Because he’s off with _Reagan_.

“I’m honestly surprised you figured it out so soon… But I guess Sam did it for you.”

“Just curious, when did you figure out how _I_ feel?”

“Probably when you framed the piece of helmet for Nick… Also the part where you had sex dream about him when your boyfriend at-the-time brought it up!” Cece lets out a half-hearted laugh, trying to lighten the conversation. “It was in your eyes when you gave him the gift, all the love was still there but the both of you were so oblivious.”

“How did you become such a wizard about love? Take my position of love doctor, you deserve it!”

“I got married of course.” Cece’s glad she can get Jess to laugh when she knows her best friend is struggling.

“Why couldn’t I figure it out myself? I don’t understand, I’m around him all the time!”

She hears Cece takes a deep breath, obviously struggling to find the right words. “I guess… I guess when you’re in love with your best friend, it kinda takes someone else coming in to help you realise it.”

-

On her second day alone in the loft, Jess decides that watching Dirty Dancing wasn’t going to help the heartbreak she felt over Nick. It was her breakup movie. Not her _I’m-still-in-love-with-Nick_ movie. She didn’t have a method for dealing with that.

It was too quiet in the loft, too lonely. She had to get out.

A stroll in the park with a good book was a good idea, but she ends up sitting next to Tran, trying not to cry. “He just left with Reagan so willingly, the Nick I knew five years ago would not have done that. For _3_ months!” Jess complains, and Tran just looks at her.

“It’s on me though, I encouraged them both to go for it. I always want people to be happy, especially Nick, he deserves it… But now… now I just _miss_ him and I feel so sad because all I want to do is be with him.” Jess’ voice shakes, and Tran puts his hand on her knee. “I love Nick so much, and I should want him to be happy, right? And he is! He’s happy with Reagan… Not me.”

He’s silent for a few minutes, just staring at her as she lets the tears fall. “When Sam and Cece were talking about Diane and Schmidt, I couldn’t understand where they were coming from. But now, with Nick gone it’s becoming more and more clear what they were talking about, because Nick is that person for me.”

Tran nods in understanding and it makes her smile, she can see why Nick finds it comforting to talk to him. “Is it crazy for me to think that Nick might ever fall in love with me again?” Tran grins at her, and she can’t quite understand his expression, so she shakes her head. “Thanks anyway Tran, it was nice to talk to someone about all of this.”

She comfortably goes back to the loft, finding it peacefully quiet this time.

-

The next few days for Jess are relaxed, but useful. She knits scarves for everyone; because why not? Her feelings were more intact now, accepting how her love life would be. Stuck in love with her best friend and roommate. It’s only easy to not think about Reagan because Jess continues to only glance at Nick’s texts and not reply. It’s rude and she feels bad, but it’s the only way she can cope.

It was bound to bite her back in the ass because after being alone for a week, she gets a phone call from Nick, who sounds frustrated but concerned. _Her_ Nick.

“Jess, hey, are you ignoring me?” Nick says.

“Sorry Nick, I…” She pauses, not entirely sure what to say. “I’m not ignoring you, I’ve just been trying to keep myself busy, you know.”

“Are you okay? Is it because of Sam? You looked really sad when I left…”

 _Not because of Sam_ , she almost said. “Yeah, I guess…” Lies. “Being alone after a break up isn’t fun.”

“I bet… You need support…” He pauses, “Do you need me to come home? I’ve been feeling kind of awful that you’ve been by yourself.”

Jess contemplates saying yes, because she misses him so much but there’s the selfless part of her that wants him to be happy, and that was with Reagan. She had to remind herself of that constantly. “Stay, Nick. I’m doing just fine by myself.”

She hates lying to him, but she can basically hear him smiling over the phone. He’d do anything to make her happy, even after breaking up, and that included coming home even after starting a relationship with a girl he seemed to really like. “Is there anything I can do?”

There’s a lot of things she thinks of saying, but they would give her away for sure. Hearing his voice was making her emotional. “No, I’m good.”

“Okay… What have you been doing then?”

“I knitted you a new scarf! Also Cece and Schmidt, I’m in the middle of Winston’s now.”

“Jess, I don’t think we need any more scarves!” His laugh makes her stomach flip, it’s so content.

“Why do you take the joy out of everything?” She’s laughing as well, and it feels nice just to talk to him. “Well it’s blue and green, for your information, and I might make a _really_ long one now just to spite you.”

“Wow Jess, harsh, a super long scarf? The sass is real.” They continue to laugh and banter over the phone until they can’t any longer. “Thanks Jess, I love blue and green. I’ll wear the scarf when I go home for Christmas, promise.”

“You better.” Jess is lying on the couch now, staring up at the ceiling and smiling. “I might make one for Bonnie too.”

“She would love that, Jess.” Nick says, “Look, Reagan is almost done with work and we’re going out for dinner so I gotta get ready.”

“Oh… Okay.” She had honestly almost forgotten about Reagan, the mention of her name brings back the ache in her chest.

“I miss you, Jess.”

“I-I miss you too, Nick.”

“Don’t be a stranger!” He says softly, “See ya.”

Jess barely whispers out a goodbye before hanging up, biting down on her lip to hold back the tears. Stupid Nick having a stupid girlfriend. This was the last time she’d let herself cry over Nick. She _couldn’t_ let herself be upset about Nick and Reagan anymore, or she’d never be okay.

-

Winston comes home the next day, six days before Schmidt and Cece are due to come home, and it lifts Jess’ spirits. They go out for coffee with Aly and he’s telling them about all the shenanigans he got up to, Jess only hardly cares that she’s the third wheel of this outing because she _so_ glad she doesn’t have to be alone anymore.

“Have you heard from Nick?” Winston finally turns his attention to Jess, his hand still firmly holding Aly’s.

“Uh yeah,” Jess nods, plastering a smile on her face. “He seems really happy with Reagan.”

“Really? I don’t think it’s gonna last.”

“Why do you think that?” Jess tries not to look to hopeful as she waits for an answer.

“Reagan’s cool and all, but I don’t think they are compatible at all. Plus, she brings out the worst in him, all his insecurities–”

“Yeah I know! At the wedding he was putting himself down for being an in-between person!” Jess huffs, crossing her arms.

“It’s just how he always will be I guess. He still not used to what it’s like to have people believe in him.”

“He deserves so much better.” Jess stares down at her coffee, “I made sure to let him know how incredible he is.”

“Well that’s good, you’re the only one he seems to _hear_ most of the time.”

This makes her happy, as long as he hears anyone and knows how loved he is, she’d be happy.

-

Jess is bouncing off the walls in anticipation the day Schmidt and Cece come home, the car trip to the airport is even enjoyable because her friends are coming home. She even made a sign with ‘Mr & Mrs Schmidt’ on it with hearts drawn around it.  You could say Jess was excited for the married couple to come home.

Cece and Schmidt look as if they’re floating down the escalator, arms wrapped around each other, their faces lighting up further when spotting Jess waiting for them.

Cece gets to Jess enveloping her in a long hug, two weeks without them had surely sucked. “I missed you so much Jess!”

“Oh god, it feels like it’s been so long since I’ve seen you!” Jess whines.

Jess moves to Schmidt next, who has _never_ hugged her so tightly. “How are you, Jessica?” His question gives him away immediately, Cece told.

“I’m great, weirdo.” Jess tries to laugh it off.

“No how _are_ you?” Schmidt repeats, and Jess glares over at Cece.

“We’re married; I couldn’t keep a secret from him.” Cece defends herself with wide eyes.

“Schmidt, I’m honestly fine.” Jess’ smile is small, and not as bright as usual, “It’s something I just have to deal with.”

“Well, I think Nick made a huge mistake choosing Reagan.” Schmidt frowns, his hand on her shoulder.

“Yeah well, I don’t want to talk about Nick right now… So can we go?” Jess shrugs Schmidt’s hand off her shoulder.

Her mood slowly deflates as the car ride moves along, Nick freshly on her mind again. She put on a smile for Schmidt and Cece to make sure they weren’t concerned.

They tell stories well into the night when they get home, and it’s a lovely distraction so she doesn’t have to think about him, how cheerful he sounds in his texts and looks in the photos he’s sent her. If only he knew how much it hurt to see them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't get to the good stuff without the pain (aka please don't hate me).
> 
> Enjoy!

Nick is gone for a total of seven weeks before arriving back at the loft.

Jess’ heart swells at the sight of him, this is not what she thought would happening on a Friday afternoon. She thinks about the possibility of Reagan, whether they were still together or if he was back because they were _over_. But it’s only for a moment before she runs up to him and throwing her arms around him. He laughs drops his bag on the floor before he wraps his arms around her waist.

She’s not sure how long they stay there in the doorway, she knows she doesn’t want to stop hugging him anytime soon and she is certain he can feel her heart hammering in her chest. Her mind is racing as they part, so many questions she needs the answers to. “What are you doing back so soon?” She asks, the smile on her face undeniably huge.

“I missed ya.” He grins right back, “Also Schmidt, Cece and Winston, but mostly you.”

“So does that mean… uh, did things not work out with Reagan?” Jess tries not to sound too chipper as she says it, but the chance that Reagan was gone was too much.

“No, Reagan and I are still together.” Nick says, “I just needed to be home with you guys… Plus, I couldn’t stay away from the bar for 3 months without someone sinking it into a hole again.”

“Oh.” The smile remains on her face for the sake of keeping it together, it didn’t stop her from being ecstatic about Nick being home but she feels her heart break all over again. It was crazy of her to get her hopes up. “So you’re doing long distance? Last I remember you couldn’t deal with a distance of 30 minutes.”

“Yeah but that was ages ago, I want to at least try.” He sounded hopeful, as if he really believed they could do it. The ache intensifies and she really hopes she can learn how to act normally around him.

“I missed you, Nick. It hasn’t been the same without you here.”

-

When everyone arrives home, Nick and Jess are on the couch. Schmidt leaps to the couch at the sight of him, Winston claps and smiles and Cece just smiles at Jess, thinking the best had happened. Jess just shakes her head at her.

They all decide to go to the bar to celebrate Nick’s return and it would have been nice if he could shut up about Reagan. She’s on her third glass of pink wine when he starts showing everyone photos of things they did, and she can feel Cece, Schmidt and Winston taking turns to look over at her (It had taken Winston a week longer to figure out what was happening, but when he did he was also very supportive). After a while she glares at them all, forcing them to stop before Nick notices.

Jess tried her best to keep a smile on her face as they all caught up, telling stories. Nick of Reagan, Schmidt and Cece of married life, and Winston of Aly. No matter how supportive her friends were, it didn’t stop her from feeling completely alone in that moment, she had _no one_. And the only one she wanted to be with had someone else.

After over an hour of these stories, Jess couldn’t take it anymore, sliding out of the booth and calmly making her way to the bathroom. Cece was too wrapped up in Schmidt to notice her slipping away, but Nick had noticed.

She spent a solid 15 minutes in the bathroom stall, her arms wrapped around her stomach as she tried to steady her breathing. That’s before the door to the bathroom slams open and she hears the shriek of a woman then, “It’s _my_ bar, I can come in if I please!”

Jess laughs softly, shaking her head as she hears the lady walk out. “Jess…?”

“I’m in here…” Her voice is cracking and Nick really isn’t the person she wants to be talking to about why she’s crying, but she unlocks the door anyway.

Nick pushes the door open and the corners of his mouth turn down at the sight of his best friend crying. He pulls her into a tight hug, and more tears fall escape down her cheeks, but hearing his steady heartbeat calms her down. “Jessica, what’s wrong?” Nick asks as she pulls away from the hug.

She ignores the way her heart skips a beat when he says her name and tries to come up with a feasible excuse for her crying that doesn’t include telling him everything. “All of you talking about your relationships made me feel a bit lonely…”

“Oh, Jess. I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise your breakup with Dr. Sam had been so hard.” Nick is rubbing his forehead, struggling with what to do next. He had taken a further disliking to Sam ever since the wedding, obviously thinking that he had been the reason she had been so sad during her best friend’s wedding.

“Y-Yeah, I guess I’m taking it harder than I thought.” Jess nodded, looking down at her feet as she continued to lie to her best friend.

“Well, I’m here if you need to talk, or need me to hold a pillow for you to hit.” Nick lifts her chin up with his hand, locking eyes with her, “I’m always going to be here for you, Jess, and I’ve still got my walkie talkie so if you ever need a hug in the middle of the night just hit me up.”

His hand lingers on her neck for a few moments and she’s sure she stops breathing as he tries to read her reaction, “I won’t let you be lonely.”

They are so close in the bathroom stall that she could almost kiss him, but she refrains as it would bring so many complications alight and she wasn’t ready to deal with them. Instead she nods, “I know, Nick. Could you take me home?”

“Yeah of course, I think Bob will be good handling the bar for one more night.” Nick smiles, leading her out of the bathroom.

-

As the weeks roll on and Nick continues to be in a long-distance relationship with Reagan, she finds a routine and she can sort of handle being in love with her roommate. There’s a few times where she walks in the bathroom and he’s hopping out of the shower with his towel hanging low on his hips, or when he’s working out or even at the bar just doing his work, and she can’t help but get flustered.

Everyone but Nick notices one particularly warm morning, when he walks out in only his boxers, how Jess eyes him up and down and bites down on her lip. She can’t stop staring even when she feels Cece nudge her, and it’s only when he turns around and smiles at her that she snaps out of it. “God! Nick, can’t you at least be decent and put pants or a shirt on when you get your stupid juice!” Jess shouts, rolling her eyes at the looks she gets from the rest of her roommates.

“Well I’m sorry it’s 85 degrees at 9AM, _Jessica_.” Nick retorts, sweat already apparent on his forehead, “I’m _hot_.”

“Well _I’m_ hot and you don’t see me prancing around in my underwear!” Jess breathes heavily, dropping her spoon into her cereal bowl.

“Schmidt’s in his underwear! Why aren’t you yelling at him!?”

“ _He’s_ wearing a shirt, Nick! At least I don’t have to see his gross sweat everywhere!”

“I actually don’t sweat, my hair just does that thing where it gets crazy in the heat…” Schmidt laughs, playing with his hair and trying to diffuse the tension, “That’s why I hate summer.”

“Not now Schmidt!” Nick and Jess yell at the same time.

“I just don’t understand why we all can’t have the freedom to run around in our underwear when it’s this hot!” Nick is starting to raise his voice as Jess jumps off her stool and takes her dish to the sink.

“We don’t have that freedom because sometimes seeing your sweat back makes everybody uncomfortable.” Jess growls, looking up at him as some sweat begins to roll down his face.

“We couldn’t care less.” Winston tries to add, but like Schmidt, he is yelled at by the both of them.

“Some people can’t help it if they sweat a lot! I can’t believe you put the blame on me for all of us not being able to be in our underwear!”

“Well, it _is_ your fault so please. Put. A. Shirt. On.”

Nick takes a step closer to her and Jess snaps out of it, noticing how close they are and how her heart begins to hammer in her chest. He looked and smelled _good_. Before Nick can reply, Jess turns around, flicking him in the face with her long hair and shouting, “I’M HAVING A SHOWER!”

Nick stands there looking frustrated and confused when Cece says, “Well, that got weird.”

-

Jess starts work again at the beginning of September, and she couldn’t be happier to be back around the kids and the feelings farms. She was particularly pleased that she could get away from the loft since Nick told her a week ago that Reagan would be coming to visit for a few weeks before heading off to her new job.

Cece had been especially helpful in helping her prepare herself emotional for the return of Reagan. At first she had suggested a blind date but it was pointless. “He’s it, Cece. The one you can’t find words to explain.”

“Then why don’t you do something about it?”

She never answered Cece, but ultimately her answer had always been that she wanted Nick to be happy, and she doesn’t think that it would be with her. Cece knows she’s being ridiculous because it’s so not true.

Work keeps her occupied, as she’s sure _Reagan_ is keeping him occupied from answering her _hilarious_ text. The jealousy boils up inside all day, and she’s afraid she might scream at Reagan when she gets home. To calm her nerves, she texts Cece to make sure they have a full bottle of pink wine for dinner tonight.

-

It’s easier to put a smile on her face than she thought. Even though her heart shattered at the thought of Nick and Reagan sleeping in the same room together, and being happy together, Jess had to remind herself of what Nick said that night in the bar bathroom. _He’ll always be there_.

That’s what keep her from running to her bedroom crying when they kiss at the dinner table or screaming when Reagan thanks her for helping them get to where they were, but that still barely helps. It gets worse when Aly arrives to join Winston at dinner, and once again she is the only person who doesn’t have a significant other to have dinner with.

Jess holds on tight to her wine glass as comfort throughout the night, wanting everyone to be gone so she could watch Dirty Dancing again.

They’re on the couch when Reagan turns to Jess once again, probably to thank her, _again_ , because they’re _so_ happy and it wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t helped. “Jess, I have a friend who lives nearby that I think you might like… His name is Jude, he’s funny and got a traditional banking account.” Reagan smiles, trying to be helpful. “I remember you said you liked that!”

Nick smiles at Reagan, then at Jess. “Your perfect guy right there, Jess!”

Jess laughs and looks up at Nick, “That stuff doesn’t really matter to me anymore… I’m not interested… Thanks Reagan.”

He’s desperately trying to read her expression, but she can tell he knows something isn’t right in that moment. Before he can say anything, she jumps off the couch. “Well I’ll leave you all be cute and couple-y! And I’m going to do the dishes.”

Being single in a group of couples was the worst.

-

Later that night, when she’s hugging her pillow and crying over Nick for the first time in _weeks_ , she hears her walkie talkie turn on and she hears his voice. “J-Day, you hear me, J-Day? Over.”

Jess turns to her bedside table where she keeps the walkie talkie and smiles, wiping her tears as she picks it up. “I hear ya, Nick-Knack. Over.” Her voice sounds pathetic, but she couldn’t cover it up if she tried.

“I have a distinct feeling that somebody needs a hug, am I right, soldier?” He continues to speak in a funny voice, but she knows he’s being serious.

Jess doesn’t even answer before she hears his door open, then a few seconds later, he’s standing in the door way with a comforting smile on his face. She pushes herself up and scoots over slightly for him to sit on the edge of the bed. His arms wrap around her shoulders and he just holds her for a few minutes before he speaks. “I don’t exactly know what is stopping you from getting back out there and dating, but I know it _kills_ me to see you hurting. Jess, you’re my best friend and I want you to be happy.”

She doesn’t reply because she begins to cry again, she wants to tell him _it’s you Nick, you’re the reason I can’t date anyone else_. Neither Jess or Nick notice Reagan standing in the doorway, watching them. He continues to hold her until she stops crying and falls asleep, laying her down in her bed and letting his lips softly graze her forehead.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left comments, I'm glad you're liking this story! This is the second last chapter so as always;
> 
> Enjoy!

The remainder of Reagan’s stay doesn’t hurt as much as the first night. Jess holds it together with the ridiculously loud sex they have, or when they’re just sitting on the couch holding hands and smiling. Cece is always ready for Jess to break down as soon as they leave on a date, but _she’s okay_ , that’s what she tells her friends who won’t stop looking so sad in her direction.

It’s a regular Saturday night when Cece texts her with possibly the best news she’s heard in months.

_Nick and Reagan are no more! Just witnessed them break up! :D x_

Jess’ heart leaps into her throat, she couldn’t believe her eyes. She shoots a texts back within 5 seconds of receiving it and Cece is just as quick to reply.

_I didn’t hear much but he broke up with her and she said she understood… I know nothing more!_

_Also his shift just ended so he should be home soon ;)_

Jess could feel her stomach flip at those texts. _He_ broke up with her. He would be _home_ soon, and they would be _alone_. _No, Jessica_. She shakes her head, he _just_ broke up with her, surely he’d be a little upset. She was going to do the right thing and be his _friend_.

This didn’t stop her from rushing to the bathroom to make sure her hair wasn’t messed up from the couch and that her glasses were straight. As she exited the bathroom, she heard the door open and close followed by a huff as he collapsed on the couch.

She walked up to the arch way and leaned against it with her arms crossed, a small smile on her face. “Hey Nick.”

He looks up from the couch and smiles, eyes scanning her cute pyjamas. “Hi…” Nick says, “I… broke up with Reagan.”

“Oh…” Jess says quietly, feigning shock and joining him on the couch, “What happened?”

“It didn’t feel right anymore…” Nick shrugs, “Something changed and we... the excitement of it all was temporary, and her coming back to loft just made it more clear. She felt the shift too.”

“Are you okay?” Jess can’t help but wonder if it was because of her, but she tries to focus on him.

“Yeah, I really am. If it’s not right, it’s not right.” Nick is smiling at Jess, who reluctantly places her hand on his knee.

“Looks like we’re both single and ready to mingle now.” Jess says shyly, sitting back and resting her hand next to his.

Nick fingers brush her knuckles and laughs nervously, “Yeah… Now we can both complain about being single around our coupled friends.”

-

Jess is single. Nick is single. She is in love with him, he’s surely still in love with her, Cece was sure of it. But somehow they get to the end of September and Nick is still oblivious to how in love they are. They’re closer than ever before and Cece could not fathom why neither of them had made a move.

It’s Nick’s birthday, and Jess up unreasonably early getting all the last minute details of the day organised. She knew that Nick had been dreading hitting his mid-thirties, so she had planned out the most wonderful day to remind him that he wasn’t old as he kept insisting.

When Cece came out of her room that morning, she finds Jess trying to flip pancakes in the pan while looking after the bacon and eggs that were cooking on the other side of the stove. “Need any help?” Cece smirks, grabbing herself a mug for her coffee.

“I’m all good!” Jess squeaks as she manages to flip over the pancake.

“Jess you do realise how girlfriend-ish all of this is?” Cece remarks, biting her lip and looking over at Jess.

“He’s my best friend, Cece! Friends do nice things for friends on their birthdays.” She groans, then whispers her next words, “I’m not going to go all crazy ‘I’m in love with you’ two weeks after breaking up with his girlfriend. Right now, I have to focus on being his friend.”

“Oh yeah because he’s _so_ broken up about Reagan.” Cece rolls her eyes, sarcasm obvious in her voice, “He needs _so_ much support!”

“Cece, can you drop it?” Jess sighs, “ _I_ need your support right now. I’m not ready to tell him and until then I’m happy to be his friend.”

“Ugh, he’s so oblivious.” Cece whines.

“I know now can you please get ready, we have a busy day.”

-

The smile on Nick face when she wakes him up is so wonderful that she’s sure it could light up any stormy day. “Happy birthday Nicholas!” Jess places the tray next to him on, sits on the end of his bed and grins.

“Can it be my birthday but I’m still 34?” Nick laughs, sitting up and taking in the amount of food on the tray. “Thanks for breakfast, Jess, it looks amazing.”

“I tried.” She shrugs, watching him as he begins to eat, groaning at the first bite of his pancake (which are choc chip, by the way). “I have a fun day planned for all of us!”

“Does it involve getting drunk? And denying my age?” He asks with a mouth full of pancake.

“For the last time, 35 isn’t old!”

“Easy for you to say, 34.”

“Nick you are only _5_ months older than me!”

“Oh well, I will just continue to age into my personality.”

“Yeah I don’t even know why you complain; you’ve always been a grumpy old man.” _My_ grumpy old man. “If it makes you feel better today _does_ involve getting drunk and defying the laws of age! No literal laws though…”

“Count me in, Day.”

-

Their first activity of the day is laser tag; his eyes light up as they pull up to the lot, excitement evident when he jumps out of the car and shouts, “I’m gonna beat you all!”

“Nick you can barely run 50 metres without almost dying, how do you think you’ll beat anyone?” Schmidt crosses his arms, not as thrilled to be shooting lasers as everyone else was.

“I may be quite unfit, but I am the master of laser tag!” Nick laughs evilly.

“Oh yeah, I think I can beat you.” Jess challenges him, raising her eyebrows.

“Jessica Day…” He says quietly, stepping closer to her, “You are _so_ on.”

-

When Aly arrives, they split up into teams, boys vs girls. “None of us are going easy on you because it’s your birthday, Miller.” Jess smirks nudging his side.

“Well _I’ve_ got a cop on my team.” Nick says proudly, not seeing Aly behind him who prods his back harshly, “Oh whoops yeah I know you’re a cop, AH DON’T HIT ME SAVE IT FOR THE ARENA!”

Once they enter, everyone but splits up to find their starting positions. Jess bounces as she eagerly awaits the buzzer to go off, scanning the building to find Nick. The room fills with the starting noise and music starts blasting, but it doesn’t prevent Jess from hearing Nick’s war cry and spotting him immediately, shooting him from where he is. “Come on, Miller! Try harder!” Jess shouts before running off so she wouldn’t be seen.

Jess sneaks around corners, looking for Winston or Schmidt to catch next and what she finds instead is Cece shooting Schmidt before pulling him in for a kiss. “You’re eager for the wrong thing my friends!” Jess laughs, shooting Schmidt before running off.

She manages to stay out of sight from anyone for a good ten minutes before she sees Winston on the other side, facing her and a sly smile creeping up on his face. They begin to shoot at each other, but from this far away they both have terrible aim. But Winston was a cop, and while his aim was shocking, it was still better then Jess’.

She frowns as her lights on her vest turn off, but it soon disappears when she sees Aly sneaking behind Winston and when she got close enough, she shoots. Jess runs up to her and wraps an arm around her shoulder, “Women are the best! Chuck out the rest!”

Jess continues to shout and cheer for a minute before her lights turn back on and she gets serious again, splitting with Aly. The hunt for Nick was back on, she _was_ going to beat him. She comes across Schmidt and Cece again, who were still making out like teenagers, shooting them both before walking off.

Turns out, Nick was also being very sneaky and they find each other when bumping into each other around a corner. They both scream at the same time and shoot each other. She smirked when his lights shut off, “Ohh, Nicholas, looks like I was faster at pulling the trigger.”

“You were lucky, Jessica, but I’ll get you.” Nick growls, closer than they should be in the moment, almost pressed up against her. “ _I’ll get you_.”

Jess eyes go wide and her breathing is heavy, they don’t break eye contact for a minute and she has no idea what was going on so she doesn’t notice when his lights come back on his vest. He takes a step back before taking his gun and shooting her, snickering as her ran away.

Jess shakes her head and groans, giving up on trying to beat him after whatever  _that_ was.

-

Even if Jess had continued trying to win, Nick was still the winner out of the group. His cockiness made her want to scream at him (and climb him like a tree) but she let it pass because it was his birthday. “Told you I was the master.” Nick laughs, the point difference between him and Jess was significant, but she still came in second.

“I let you win.” Jess crosses her arms, rolling her eyes.

“Okay _sure_.” Nick smirks, squeezing her shoulder. “Did you have any other plans? I kinda just want to go to the bar and chill with you all.”

“No that was the plan. Laser tag then chill and get super drunk.”

“This day is perfection, thank you Jess.”

-

Nick decides on just going to his bar after laser tagging, that way, none of them would have to pay (it’s not true, he’s going to have to pay it off later). They stay until the bar is well and truly closed, and they were straight up wasted. It’s not that often anymore that they get super drunk, but it’s Nick birthday so they look past it.

Jess forces Cece in the middle of her and Nick, because she’s a glass of pink wine away from climbing him like a maple tree. He looked so happy, it wasn’t with Reagan, so it also made Jess more cheerful. It was her Nick, having fun with their friends. “Toast time!” Jess stands up, giggling and raising her glass.

“Nick is great, cheers!” Schmidt slurs, raising his bottle before laying his head on the table.

“Beauuuutiful Schmidt.” Nick claps, “Such beautiful words.”

“I wanna say something too!” Jess pouts, Nick staring up at her smiling, “Nick, you are the grumpiest, most turtled faced, loyal and kind man that I’ve ever known. A lot of people judge you but they don’t know you and how great you are, you do anything for those you care about and you are passionate, and that’s why this bar is still alive and running. It’s been the best 5 years of my life knowing you, Nick, and I promise one day you will see high Jess. Happy birthday!”

Everyone raises their glass, Jess the only one oblivious to the intense look in Nick’s eyes. She didn’t think she had let too much out, but her stomach was turning at how much love she felt for him (but it was also likely that it was the alcohol in her system). What she didn’t know is that Nick was feeling the exact same.

-

The tension between Nick and Jess gets more intense as they head into Thanksgiving, they all have a bet going on when (if) they’ll finally act on their feelings and/or spontaneously combust. Cece, Schmidt and Aly had given up and were betting on the new year, but Winston was persistent on them getting together before the year was up.

Schmidt and Cece were ‘hosting’ Thanksgiving in the loft this year, but it wasn’t different to any other dinner as half the guests lived there. Aly, Sadie and Melissa were due to arrive any minute now but of course Nick and Jess had just gotten into an explosive fight. “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY THAT NICK, YOU ARE SO INFURIATING!” Jess yells, rushing out of the bathroom with Nick close behind her.

“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT I AM _RIGHT_ , JESSICA!”

“WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU ARE RIGHT?”

“I’VE READ BLOGS ABOUT IT!” Nick grabs her shoulders and shakes her lightly, “ALSO IF I CAN’T BELIEVE MY THEORIES THEN YOU CAN’T THINK THAT HOGWARTS COULD BE REAL!”

“BLOGS AREN’T ALWAYS RIGHT! YOU RELY TOO MUCH ON THAT INFORMATION WHEN MOST OF THE TIME THEY ARE WRONG.” Jess tries to escape his grip, “HOGWARTS IS PERFECTLY REASONABLE FOR ME TO BELIEVE IN! THIS IS JUST DUMB NICK!”

“Are you… questioning my intelligence?”

There’s a few moments of silence as the hurt in his voice strikes her, and she can’t find the words. She can’t fathom the thought of her being the one hurting Nick, insulting his intelligence when all she tries to do is build up his confidence.

“I… No! Of course not Nick! I just think you’re being unreasonable.” Jess finally notices everyone staring at them and how close Nick is. “I would _never_ call you stupid for believing in all your conspiracy theories…”

“Look Jess, we’ll talk about it later.” Suddenly uncomfortable with everyone’s eyes on them, Nick shoves his hands in his pockets and rushes to the kitchen to help.

“That got a bit intense.” Jess laughs awkwardly.

-

Everyone was there when Jess came out of her room, and with the arrival of her friends, the tension had left the room. Jess’ navy dress and white ribbon in her hair quickly grabbing the attention of Nick, who walked over to her slowly with a cautious smile on his face. “Hey Jess, I’m really sorry about before. It was a silly argument.”

“I agree…” Jess smiles as she moves a hand to his arm and squeezes it. “I’m sorry too.”

“You look beautiful, by the way.” Nick smile is more confident than cautious now, and it makes her stomach turn but before she could say anything, Schmidt announces that dinner is ready.

Schmidt’s excellent cooking meant that dinner was a huge success, the wine was almost finished and everyone was pleasantly buzzed. Jess and Nick were sitting next to each other, and had been glancing over at each other throughout dinner, neither of them noticing the others stare. Winston was determined to get some feelings onto the table because he _had_ to win the bet, so he suggested that they go around the table and talk about what they were most thankful for. It provoked a groan from Nick, and only Nick because Thanksgiving was always going to be his least favourite but he only went along with it to make his friends happy.

“I’ll start then.” Winston laughs, “This year, I’m thankful for divorce, pranks and that I have such a wonderful girlfriend.”

They go past Schmidt and Cece who of course were also mushy and said each other, ugh, _married couples_. Nick seemed uncomfortable as it came to him, but he did it anyway. “I… Uh, I’m thankful for first of all, alcohol, which helps me get through this ridiculous holiday dinner… And I’m thankful…” He’s looking at everyone, but his eyes catch Jess and he looks straight at her, “I’m thankful for those who look out for me, and who believe in me because that’s hard for me sometimes, and it makes me feel loved. So yeah. I’m thankful for all you clowns.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, I hope you've all liked this! I have some more stuff planned, so look out for that!
> 
> Enjoy!

December comes quickly, and the entire loft has given up hope on Nick and Jess ever getting back together. They were just going to end up old people living in the loft alone together with constant sexual tension and saying ‘we’re just friends’.

Jess was very aware of everyone staring at her and Nick setting up the Christmas tree. She’s singing her favourite songs while passing Nick decorations who willingly puts them up. “This is ridiculous.” Schmidt shakes his head. “Why am I sitting here watching two people putting up a Christmas tree?”

“We have a menorah, Schmidt; so we have a tree.” Nick says, hanging up more ornaments and smiling down at Jess who had ignored Schmidt and continued singing. “Okay I’m done!”

“Great!” Jess claps, admiring their tree (and the man next to it). “Eggnog time.”

She runs to the kitchen and pours them each a glass, sitting down next to Nick, who had put a Home Alone into the TV. Sitting together as a family watching Christmas movies was Jess’ idea, and Nick (always willing to do whatever to make her happy) was the one who convinced everyone else to do it, especially Schmidt, he needed extra convincing.

The night moved along very quickly and weirdly sober for all of them, and at the end of the night, Jess’ head was resting on Nick’s shoulder, half asleep. Everyone else is already in bed, and she honestly doesn’t want to move, but then she feels her body being lifted off the couch. Her arms are immediately around his neck and she’s suddenly very awake, aware of his hand under her knees and hand on her back.

She pretends to still be half asleep when in reality her heart is going crazy in her chest, influencing her next words when lays her down on her bed, starting to tuck her in. “Stay with me, please…”

The uncertainty and nerves are obvious in his eyes, but he smiles and nods before walking to the other side of the bed and sliding in, pulling her in close. Having Nick’s arms around her is extremely confusing, but also very comforting. She doesn’t know what this meant, if he was doing it because he thought she was lonely (as she had been lately) or if he wanted to sleep with her because he _wanted_ to.

She feels his lips pressing on the top of her head, and she decides not to think too much about what was happening and enjoy it.

-

When Jess wakes up in the morning, finding herself alone and she’s worried for minute that she had dreamed it, but her other pillows looked used, so he had definitely slept with her last night.

She searches the entire loft, including his room and he isn’t there. Winston is in the kitchen and he shares a sympathetic smile, “He left to go for a walk an hour ago, looked confused. So, uh, what happened?”

“Uh, yeah, I asked him to stay and sleep with me… Just sleep, but he did.” Jess said shyly, looking for something to keep her hands occupied.

“Does this mean I win the bet?” Winston’s eyes widen.

“No! Nothing happened, we just slept.” Jess shakes her head, moving to find her tea. “WHY DO WE RUN OUT OF TEA WHEN I NEED IT MOST?”

“Jess, calm down!” Winston is standing up now, Cece and Schmidt, having heard Jess slowly walked out of their room, “Hey, morning guys, Jess is on the verge of a meltdown.”

“Oh here we go again.” Cece sighs.

“He slept in her bed last night!” Winston whispers to catch them up. “And he left this morning, his emotions were all over his face and that, he’s real confused.”

“WHAT? DOES THIS MEAN WINSTON WINS?” Schmidt slams down on the table, and Jess is ignoring them, trying to find anything else to think about.

“Jess, are you okay?” Cece asks.

“I want to tell him.” Jess looks down at her feet, and her eyes are welling with tears. “But what if sleeping with me was because of pity? He did it a few months ago… I love Nick, but what if I lose him again? That’s why I haven’t told him, I can’t lose him again but – I can’t let him go...”

“Jess, you aren’t ever going to lose Nick. You _know_ that he’s always going to be there for you.” Schmidt starts, “I’ve never seen him love anyone like he loves you, whether he knows it or not. And I might add, I envy you for that.”

“You have to at least try.” Cece adds, “I gave it a chance, and look, I’m married now, to the man I love. You deserve that chance.”

-

Jess goes out to try and find Nick, it was time, she had to tell him. It was time to face the truth.

She’s not surprised to find him at the park, waiting at the bench where he usually talks to Tran, obviously waiting for him. She takes a deep breath before straightening out her red dress and walking over to him. “Hi…” Jess smiles weakly, her nerves are evident in her voice.

“Hey… I didn’t expect to see you here.” His smile his also nervous, and he’s rubbing his scruff. She also notices that he’s wearing the scarf she knitted him over the Summer, and it looks so nice on him.

“I wanted to talk.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

They just stare at each other for a few minutes as she tries to figure out what she wants to say, the words are hard to find. “Um, ever since the wedding, with Reagan coming back, I realised a few things…” Jess’ hands are playing with the hem of her dress, and Nick places his hand on her knee to calm her down. “And I ask you to please let me talk, no interruptions.”

“Yeah that’s fine…” Nick barely gets the words out, the tension is thick and they’re both feeling it.

“Um, okay so I… I realised that everything I was looking for, the guy with a traditional banking account, and someone who has a plan, that is what I thought I needed for a really long time. But after we broke up, and I dated Ryan and Sam, they were so perfect in writing and I figured out, that the reason those relationships weren’t working for me was because none of those guys were _you_ , Nick. No one made me laugh as much, or made me as angry as you do. You said at the wedding that you were the guy that women dated before they found the one they spent the rest of their life with… Well, for me Ryan and Sam, they were the in between guys. Because you are the one I want to be sitting next to in 50 years, grey hairs, saggy boobs and all.” Jess is letting everything out, and there are tears staining her cheeks. “Helping you and Reagan that night just helped me realise how in love with you I still am…”

He’s silent for a few minutes, and it terrifies her but Nick is still smiling, and he’s linked his hand with hers, stroking her knuckles as he tries to find the words for himself. “Jessica… Ever since I got home I’ve been fighting all these feelings and… I never knew that was how you felt… If I knew… I love you, Jess. I’m not sure I ever really stopped, but I had to let you go because I thought you were happier without me.”

“I thought that was what I needed as well, but no one has made me happier than you have, even when we were just friends.” Jess feels like she’s floating, hearing those words out of his mouth was heavenly.

They continue to hold hands, sitting there quietly and he just stares at her with the biggest grin she’s ever seen on him, “Are we doing this again? For real this time?”

“Yeah, for real.” Jess is laughing and crying, it doesn’t stop when his lips collide with hers. She had forgotten what it felt like to kiss him, seeing through space and time, her whole body alive; she never wants to stop, so her fingers thread through his hair and deepen the kiss.

A whimper escapes her mouth as he separates a few minutes later, resting his forehead against hers, pecking her lips lightly before noticing they had someone staring at them.

“Finally.” The man says, and they both turn to see Tran smiling at them.

Jess is shocked at hearing his voice for the first time, and Nick is just looking back and forth from Tran to Jess. “Tran my man,” Nick chuckles, “Is that the only thing you’re going to say today?”

Tran nods, smiling. “Thank you for everything Tran.” Nick says.

“Yes, thank you Tran!” Jess smiles widely, receiving a confused glance from Nick. “He helped me figure a few things out as well.”

-

They decide to stay out for a while longer to talk, kiss without having their roommates around and on their way home they decide to pick up some wine and cake. They wanted to celebrate. Not _only_ with sex, but with their friends.

Nick doesn’t let go of her hand in the grocery store, even they both needed their hands to hold stuff, neither of them cared. They are laughing their ways down the aisle, making sure to grab a pack of condoms because they had some _catching up to do_.

What neither of them expect is to run into Sam and Diane. It’s not awkward but very pleasant. “So I was right?” Sam laughs (with his mouth open) when he spots them holding hands.

“It took a while, but yes, you were.” Jess nods shyly.

“What is he right about?” Nick and Diane ask at the same time, both curious.

“The night before the wedding, I found Louise’s ring and I thought it was Sam’s. I told him that I couldn’t marry him when he was actually breaking up with me.” Jess explained, a small grin on her face, “I wasn’t sure at the time why I couldn’t marry him, but Sam apparently knew, and it was because of you Nick.”

Nick smiles and kisses her cheek, then turning to Sam, “Wow, thanks for helping.”

“No problem man… We cool?” Sam asks, “I mean, I know we hated each other, but I think I really understand everything that happened… now that I have Diane.”

“Yeah man.” Nick and Sam shake hands, Jess can’t stop smiling at the both of them and they talk for a few more minutes before taking off to the cash register so they could get home.

-

Nick and Jess kiss the entire elevator ride up, it was heating up pretty quickly, hands caressing everywhere she could think of and she was hoping, _praying_ , that their roommates might be out or at least on the roof. They aren’t so lucky.

Schmidt, Cece and Winston are sitting on the couch, watching movies and wrapping up presents when they walk through the door, hands still linked together. “Who wants some wine and cake?” Jess asks, her voice as happy as ever.

“Why do we need wine and cake, it’s hard enough wrapping gifts sober.” Cece cringes, not looking up from the table.

Schmidt and Winston do look up though, noticing their hands and how close they are. “OF COURSE WE NEED WINE AND CAKE!” Schmidt jumps off the couch, hugging the both of them.

“I WIN? YES! PAY UP Y’ALL!” Winston is doing a happy dance and Cece finally looks up. “I mean congratulations and all, BUT GIVE ME MY MONEY SCHMIDT’S!”

She smiles at them, “You took your time.”

Jess just smiles at them all and leans into Nick’s side, who let’s go of her hand and wraps his arm around her. Minutes later, they’re all on the couch, wine glasses in hand and cake in their hands. “To Nick and Jess, for finally getting their act together! And making Winnie $100 richer!” Winston raises his glass, followed by everyone else.

Jess is curled up next to Nick, her legs up on his thighs with his hand stroking her calves, and it all just felt so right. “I love you, Nick.” She says it multiple times throughout the night, sometimes he says it back and other times he just kisses her.

“I never thought I’d be able to hold you like this again. I missed you so much.” He whispers, pressing his lips to her temple and breathing in the scent of her coconut shampoo. “I love you, Jessica.”

Starting tomorrow, the rest of their roommates would find these displays of affection annoying, and they’d tell them to get a room, but for now it was very sweet to see their friends had finally found each other again.

-

Two years later, Jess gives birth to their first child. A boy. Nick doesn’t care that much for anything going on around them because they have a _son_ , and he’s married to the most wonderful woman who just made him a _father_.

Winston and Schmidt are fighting over who gets to be the Godfather and Cece is trying to stop her almost 2-year-old daughter from hitting the baby.

It’s chaotic, but it’s them.


End file.
